SpaceQuest.Net - Monolith Burger Revisited

Monolith Burger Revisited
"Welcome to sector 62. I'm Ueffo Bleeblenarf, the counter clerk of Monolith Burger. This establishment is just one of the 6000 Monolith Burgers. We are the galaxy's number one in fast food. Since its beginning in the nineteenth century (known as MacDonalds at that time), Monolith Burger is there for you. Hungry space travelers and hard to handle aliens are our specialties. The best service is guaranteed (the food is another story). Now, may I take your order?"

THE NEW ASTRO CHICKEN
ScumSoft has introduced a new video arcade game, Astro Chicken. The CEO of ScumSoft, Mr Elmo Pug, has signed a contract with Monolith Burger last week. Now, every Monolith Burger franchise will have an Astro Chicken videogame. In a related story, Genetix Research has proven that AstroChicken has very few harmful side-effects and maximum relaxing capabilities. We regret to inform you, that the beloved Astro Chicken Flight Hat won't come with the fun meal. For more information about the Hats and other Astro Chicken merchandise, please address one of our friendly counter clerks or contact Fester's World'O'Wonders.

MR. WILCO'S VISIT
A lot of unrest lately around Monolith Burger's establishment in sector 62. All kinds of bad rumours are spreading across the universe. People are saying that Roger Wilco visited Monolith Burger. This rumour is denied by the management. Velda Zeenbucket has sued Monolith Burger. She says: "Monolith claims that its establishments are safe. But why did they let a fool like Mr. Wilco enter? People have been exposed to an unnecessary danger. Worst of all Monolith Burger denies Mr. Wilco's visit. But how can they explain the photographs taken by Janitorhunter Mr. Frans van Hofwegen?" According to StarCon, Ms. Zeenbucket has a point but also states that this charge won't make it the Official Galactic Corrupted Master Court.

As you can see from one of the pictures, Roger Wilco is sitting in the cockpit of his Aluminum Mallard. In the middle picture Roger has just swallowing his Filet-O-Orat. The right shows Roger drinking his free drink.

RECYCLABLE BAGS INTRODUCED

Every meal you order is packed in the patented "Monolith Burger Keep Warm" bags. The new bags are now 100% recyclable thanks to the research of Genetix. It no longer contains plutonium 235 but 1.01% moshyoem, the fungi-like-plant we all know from Thrakus. The future looks bright and clean with Monolith Burger!

THE BIG BELCHER COMBO
In our Monolith Burger Menu, you can order the famous Big Belcher Combo. A lot of aliens are claiming that they had gotten sick after eating our most famous (and only) combo. Monolith Burger has decided not to sell this type of meal anymore to beings under 75 pounds. We are now only selling a big belcher combo to beings over 75 pounds, or, if he/she/it says that he/she/it is really hungry.

A FRIENDLY WARNING TO ALL VISITORS
In more than one occasion, people forget which airlock they have used to dock their ship. The result is that people are entering the airlock of others. Problems like this occur very often and sometimes result into a tragedy. Monolith has now introduced airlocknumbers. Be sure to remember your number before exiting.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
Ueffo in his element

Employee are rewarded with this price if he/she/it is doing more for the company then necessary (we must say we don't really know when that's the case). This month Ueffo Bleeblenarf won the price. He invented the 'airlocknumbers'. Now each airlock has a number, which enables even the most mentally-disabled visitor (like humans) to find their way back to their own airlock.

1. mini monolith This is our burger for little species. It is also highly recommended if you just want a little snack. It contains ketchup, mustard, a gherkin and a piece of meat. This meat contains no BSE (not guaranteed and/or tested).

2. monolith The standard burger. This is the same as the mini monolith only bigger. It has two pieces of meat (second piece half size) and some lettuce. Pickle is also added.

3. with polycheese You will love this one: It's also possible to add polycheeze on your monolith. This cheese is made from the toes of a Pinkunz. And tastes like zipysnosth.

4. filet-o-orat The Orat can be found in the Keronian desert. It lives in caves but at night they come out to hunt for Grell. Not so long ago it was impossible to capture these stupid beasts. But now you can order your very own piece of orat. First, the meat is grilled and then put in a lovely blood sauce. Please do not mistake the filet-o-orat with the orat-on-a-stick.

5. jumbo monolith with polycheese The jumbo monolith with polycheese is the biggest burger in the universe. It has a three double polycheese top stuffed with meat. Also more lettuce is added than in the normal monolith. Pickle, ketchup and mustard makes this burger a big hit. It is advised to brush your teeth (if you have any) after you have eaten a jumbo monolith.

6. big belcher combo Is your hunger bigger then the Galactic Space Trade Centre? Well, you've come to the right place. Monolith Burger offers a menu which includes: the original jumbo monolith with polycheese, space spuds with extra grease and sloppy slurper. You can only order a big belcher combo if you are heavier than 75 pounds.

7. monolith fun meal For children or beings with an IQ lower than 50. It not only contains a monolith and a small sized tang© but also a fun mail price. What will it be this time? That stupid Macdonald clown or a neat decoder ring?

8. space spuds Only this drink has the original spuds. Drink this, and you will be spaced out until Christmas Eve!

9. tang© A Lot of ice and tang© is the perfect solution to drink away your problems. The ingredients are secret but we can say that tang© is good for small and large, young and old, smart and stupid! It comes in three sizes: a small, b medium and c large. Please note, when drinking a large tang© your stomach has to be bigger then 12 kilospaces.

sloppy slurper Slurp your monolith away with this drink. Guaranteed satisfaction. (submitted by Keith Richards) Enjoy, but do not drink more than 2 sloppy slurpers per day because it destroys brain cells (a lot -ed).